Sometimes people have anniversary reactions grief, and for those who have lost their partner or spouse, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of being without that special someone. I have seen many people who have lost their lover, fear that they will lose other loved ones as well. Others think that they will never have a relationship again. It is often too soon to tell whether either of these things is true. What I find is that these reactions to grief are often an attempt to assert control over the uncontrollable. Another common reaction is thinking that the surviving person could have done something to prevent their loved one’s death.This is a painful way to feel and think, but it makes sense in the framework of trying to control something that is out of our control. Part of the antidotes to this loss reaction is to remind yourself that you had no control, and that it is natural to want to control such a situation. There’s nothing we can do to ensure that those who are close to us will always be there. In fact, I would hazard to say that it is impossible. If you are having an anniversary reaction, try to be gentle and kind with yourself. Be patient with the anxiety of losing other ones, that remind yourself that there is no evidence that your other loved ones are in danger, at least not imminently.For some, they may decide not to happen other romantic relationship. However, often I hear people say this in the throes of grief when they are in extreme pain. It’s important to remember that the pain doesn’t last forever, and that it will fade with time. When we have healed in a covered more completely, the possibility of a new relationship doesn’t seem so foreign. I wish you well in the quest for greater peace in the face of the loss of a loved one.